Three Things To Consider Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex

Love is a many splendored thing, they say.

When you're in that first flush of love, it feels wonderful, but when love cools down, or a relationship is ended completely, Love Sucks, doesn't it??!

We've all gone through break ups.  We've all been the one to instigate the break up, and we've all been the one shocked by it, at one time or another.

And even when we instigate it, by being passive-aggressive and thinking and acting in ways that destroy the sanctity of the relationship, if our partner is the one to actually say the words, we can still be pretty shocked.

Once the shock and anger and hurt has worn off, and you've taken stock of your contribution to the downfall of the relationship (instead of just blaming him for everything, which is convenient but doesn't help much), what if you reconnected with your Ex, and found that he, too, was "unencumbered" again, and obviously still enjoyed your company?

Should We Get Back Together?

The first thing you should consider before getting back together with your ex is whether it's really a good idea.  This will mean keeping your emotions under control, and taking time before agreeing to anything, so you can make sane decisions after some real thought.

Secondly, why did you guys break up in the first place?  It wouldn't hurt to take a few good hours to sit down and write a list of pro's and cons, and then ask yourself whether these things have really changed or if you're just conveniently overlooking or "hoping" for them to have.

A third important thing to remember before you go into a relationship with an ex is to clean your mental slate and start over.  Treat the relationship as if it's a new one, making new plans for the future and having new expectations of both yourself and of him, as well.  Drop everything that "used to be" part of the agreement, or re-negotiate to bring it into your new future.


And if you're doing like me, make sure you keep other Plan Men on your Mantris even while re-dating an ex - until he's initiated "the talk" and asked you to commit to a monogamous relationship with him, be sure to keep your options open so you don't get hooked in too deep too fast to another screwed up dynamic that is OH so hard to change once it gets going.

Good luck, whatever you decide!