By 40, Things Become Much Clearer

I'll say one thing - it's good to be at an age when reality is making itself very obvious in people's lives.

I mean, when I was in first year university and living away from home for the very first time, and tasting that blissful freedom of thought and of action, the men around me were in their early 20s, and like me, they had their whole lives in front of them.

Unencumbered by belongings or debt, and the majority of us still child-free at that point, College and University days were so full of promise and dreams, experiencing joy with friends and lovers, and seemingly only dotted with heartbreak and hard work to mire the otherwise perfect surface.

The men I looked at had so much "Potential", and while I had hated having that label applied to me as a child, I couldn't help but apply it to the ones around me as well. I couldn't help but look into their futures and dream a little for them. That's what life's like when you're 20.

And sure, it was great, but now that I'm closer to mid-life, I'm learning to put value on a man's "current" (position/mindset/values/whatever) as a large indicator of his "future" and the lessons I'm learning now are much easier to read and deal with in reality.

A Second Evening With The Dusty Ex

Last night I went to a small-venue rock concert with the Dusty Ex. This was the result of our first evening re-connecting out of the blue about a month ago, and plans having been made that night when talking about our mutual need to get out a bit more this spring.

Before we went to the concert, however, we chatted for a while at his place, smoked a small joint, and generally laughed and talked about life.

After only two evenings of chatting with him, it's very clear that although our paths have crossed, he's very unsure of his direction in life and has been weighing a thousand different scenarios in his head over the past year at the very least. He's also in a semi-stable financial position right now, but the future doesn't look very bright and he doesn't seem to have any real thought about how to mitigate the damage.

And, since I really want to be with a guy who has a strong sense of purpose and direction and a solid grip on financial matters, it inspires me to continue collecting quarters and filling my social time with my Mantris and my Friendtris.

Thankfully, he hasn't brought up any kind of "talk" as to what these meetings have been, other than general re-connection with someone from our 15+ yr past. But knowing that I left him and it was devastating for him emotionally, and that the woman he ended up marrying years later only recently left him (a year ago? not sure), I know he's in an emotionally vulnerable situation.

Sounds like a(nother) man who needs man friends around him. I'll definitely be letting him do that by simply not being available. Easy to do after only a couple of times seeing each other.