Thursday, April 8, 2010

10 Reasons To Appreciate The Ex That Blew Your Mind


I just finished being personally mortified in a Law of Attraction / vibrational sense by an otherwise great guest post over on the Dating Goddess website, and am now about to reset my vibration to clear out anything that I picked up while thinking about what I skimmed over in the article.

Actually, thinking again - the contrast I experienced from reading that article was SO INTENSE, I should probably expose myself to it again and practice turning it around in my head from what it's talking about (which is what I don't want) to one that matches what I DO want... Doesn't Abraham say that they wish for us to experience strong contrast so that we create even more passionately in our futures?

Yes, I think I'll write a response to that article, from another ... more positive angle :) More reflective of what kind of boyfriend I see myself having and loving next.


10 Reasons To Appreciate The Ones That Blew Your Mind


I know that the habit for most people is to get down on themselves if a relationship with a truly great person breaks up. It usually does it because of our own insecurities and therefore we know, deep down, that if we had just been a bit more secure with ourselves and not acted like such a nut so often, we could still have them with us, and that thought pains us.

According to the Law of Attraction, as we think about "lack" in our lives, we attract more of it. So the more we think about how we screwed up and how we wish we could go back and do it again and how we wish this person was still in our lives, the more we attract feelings of screwing up, wishing to escape from current time and escape to the past, and we alienate ourselves from more and more people as well.

On the other hand, if we are to use the Law of Attraction to our advantage, we could purposely put ourselves in a state of appreciation about the many aspects of past relationships that we recognize were good and healthy and rewarding, and send out (via our attention to it) the vibration of appreciation about the good things that came about via love, therefore attracting more good thoughts and good feelings and healthy versions of love into your thoughts and life experience.

So, with appreciation in mind, I share this 10-point ode to the various ex boyfriends, husbands, lovers and friends I've had in my life:


10 Reasons To Appreciate The Ones That Blew Your Mind


10. He taught you that joy and happiness and sexual passion are closely linked, and you learned to value making love out of happiness instead of sexual passion being associated with soothing your anxieties or self-esteem.

9. He taught you that "still waters run deep" - on the surface you couldn't have realized how deeply passionate he was about his personal interests, nor how much he knew and loved to share with others. Once you and he were close enough for you to "touch" those parts of him, it was like they lit up like a city within his eyes!

8. He helped you understand the true meaning of commitment, devotion and deep love, and helped you trust your own senses of those things more deeply than anyone else ever had.

7. You learned from him to fully trust the difference between natural human instinct and the power of the choices that we make when it comes to our physical actions. By watching and talking to him, and by watching and listening to yourself.

6. You learned from him that it can be completely comfortable to take personal space time when required, and his smile upon your return (and yours upon his) helps remind each other that you love to see each other come back around after taking their personal time. With this personal space you feel a sense of freedom and trust beyond measure.

5. You learned more about what truly thoughtful lovers look like, think like, value, and are capable of inspiring within you. You've experienced passions that you didn't realize were there - animal in nature yet intelligent and rational as well. And isn't it great that he knows exactly where it's appropriate to act like lovers, and where more indetectable inside jokes are a better form of foreplay (when others are around)??!!

4. He taught you that every relationship provides contrast - even the most rewarding ones with the most passion, love, devotion and shared dreams. He gave you WAY more good stuff than bad stuff to focus on about him, which made him even easier to love as you practice keeping your attention on what you want, not what you don't want.

3. You learned, while being in a relationship, that a man's love of life in general, and confidence in things always turning out for the best, along with his innate trust in the people around him to make loving, responsible decisions CAN influence your personal will and strength to strive to be the best person you can be. Your trust of your judgement combined with his trust of his judgement is incredibly powerful, and you learned what a gift it was to return that trust and power to others around you.

2. Once the relationship ended, you were fully convinced that a lot of what other women talk about in their relationships doesn't HAVE to happen, and by trusting your own instincts (aka emotional guidance system) you'll be so relaxed with yourself and how life is going that you'll have your choice of men and be able to find an even BETTER match next time around.

1. All of your boyfriends in your life - good, bad or indifferent - have helped you clarify your "perfect" relationship: What you don't want, what you DO want, what's important to you, and what you hadn't thought about but would like to think about more. Be open to your own internal guidance and learn from it, and reap the rewards!

So, here's the best thing to do with the one that got away: say "thanks," appreciate the great things he taught you ARE really out there, and get ready to attract the next one that will be EVEN BETTER!

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