How To Tell You're Not Ready To Date

Dating isn't for the faint of heart.

It's not easy to put yourself out there, put your ego on the line, or to risk either being rejected or being glommed onto by someone very desperate.

If you're not sure about your personal worth, or if you have self-esteem issues, there's nothing to say that you "shouldn't" date, but there's something to the thought that... perhaps you're not as ready as you'd like to believe you are.

An Example Of A Guy Who Just Ain't Ready

I was wandering around on OKCupid tonight, tweaking my profile to try to attract more responses, etc etc, when I got bored and started wandering around to new areas of the site I hadn't visited before.

I came across the Journals section of the site, and started to scroll through the most recent entries page. Nice that they're all filtered so it's all just guys within my required age range (not physical location range however), so I'm not reading all the women's posts too :)

One of the entries I came across made me laugh out loud, but not because the author was in any way trying to be that funny.

I thought to share it with you here:

Subject: ?????????

People, if you are not interested in talking to someone, could you please have the common courtesy to at least send a messege back, letting them know that you are not interested in talking, instead of ignoring them all together?

i know what alot of you women are thinking, why do fat, ugly guys even have profiles on here? well, i'm sorry, but we want to be loved to, so i'll tell you what i'm gonna do..., in about a wekk, or less, i'm gonna delete this profile, and then none of you will have to worry about me looking at your profiles, and sending a messege just simply saying hello!

My Response To The OKCupid Journal Dude

I wouldn't bother posting a response to his Journal, that's why I'm posting it here:

*blink in shock* LOL!

Dude... in NO WAY is there any "common courtesy" required on these online dating sites when it comes to having been contacted by someone who was interested in our profile. They don't HAVE to say "no" to you, and if you contact them too many times, it'll be YOU who gets in trouble for the lack of courtesy!

And wow, what a "woe is me" paragraph there he's got going on!

I just shake my head in complete confusion as to why him deleting his profile is a punishment or bad thing for any of the rest of us that he may be trying to contact.

Do guilt tactics like these REALLY attract any chicks for ya, man?

The Four Man Plan Mantris, Explained

The central object that 4MP'rs (four man planners) use to keep track of the "game" they're playing is called a Mantris.

What Is A "Mantris"?

Basically, it's a square graph divided into 16 equal sections, and the "rules" about how to fill out the spots in the graph are explained in the book.

Players are filling the spots on the graph with ... people. Men, called "Plan Men", who are in this player's "dating vortex" at the time. There are specific rules about how to add men to the Mantris, and how to remove them from the mantris, and the rules are in place to help circumvent some of the regular problems we women create for ourselves when trying to find a life partner.

Things like, making a decision on the value of a person based upon the shape of their nose, or the color of their hair (or lack of it), or what services they have chosen to provide to the world in order to sustain their basic physical needs of food, shelter and clothing.

Players are encouraged to fill up their mantris completely, and keep it as filled as possible while using the ruleset provided by the author, Cindy Lu.

Isn't This Using People?

Yes, and no.

Single people seeking a mutually fulfilling long term relationship need to be very honest with themselves about what they view a fulfilling relationship to be, and once they've been honest with themselves, they need to go out into the world and explore to seek people who are on the same wavelength (or at least a nearby vibration).

It's quite likely that the initial people that are attracted to being with this single person aren't really going to be on the same wavelength, deep down. On the surface it will seem that they are, but with further examination, it's found that the long term vibrations and wavelengths don't match. In being responsible to themselves, every single person needs to acknowledge this for themselves and therefore not feel badly at the interest of looking around - without getting hugely involved immediately - to find that person whose long-term wavelength is harmonious.

Of course, that's not to say that people and relationships won't change over time. This is just to say that initially, it's better to take the time and put in the effort and emotional maturity required to shop around a bit before committing to combining wavelengths in a long term relationship.

I know that these people on my Mantris are real people, but that doesn't mean I should feel responsible for their feelings or their actions or what they wish I would wish for, too. I'm glad to feel responsible to my own feelings and the Four Man Plan ruleset that makes a LOT of sense to me, and allows me to say no to what I don't want, by saying yes to other things instead, and not feeling guilty about it!