Filling My "Four Man Plan" Mantris

I've decided to jump on this Four Man Plan bandwagon, and have signed up for some online dating sites, and have some conversations going on there, but when I read the Four Man Plan forum and see other people starting out with week one, I feel like I'm way behind, and way slow compared to them.

Some of them seem to be able to put 10 Plan Men onto their graphs within the first week, and I've only managed two!

I think my challenge is that right now I feel like I'm in a "waiting" phase in my life.

I don't have a normal J.O.B. through which to get exposure to socialization (I am a self-employed writer), and a hobby that used to consume a large portion of my life and thought time has been put by the wayside lately, and I haven't quite found that "new thing" yet to dive into.

And as a "mesovert" (one who vascillates between introvert and extrovert) I have kept only a small group of friends because my overall social needs are low. Being a happy person who believes in the Law of Allowing, I can be happy alone or with others, after all. But that doesn't help in terms of finding new potentials for dating and for a long term relationship.

I have to keep telling myself that getting involved in a bunch of new social groups is ultimately the best choice for me right now, and the dates will flow along naturally. I'm an athletic, attractive, single, happy, mid-30s woman without children... the only thing that is missing in my life right now to fill the mantris is the social connections.

So part of my building my mantris for the first while, ultimately, is to discuss what I'm doing to increase my socialization exposure in the world.

So on that note, I've spent some time thinking, with the Law of Attraction and The Secret as a fundamental basic portion of the thought process, about what my life would be like if it were PERFECT.

Not saying we ever GET there, but the aspiration towards the eternally blissful and energetic state is a noble one, in my mind.

I've come to terms with the fact that there are some people who thrive on teaching other people what they've learned, and then there are people who thrive on learning what other people have to teach. I'm sure there are people who fall into other categories, but I'm looking at the contrast of my roommate (who is my also adult brother) and myself in this example, where he's the teacher, and I'm the student.

Not that he's MY teacher, or that I'm HIS student... but when we talk about what inspires us and what excites us, he often talks about being out in front of other people and sharing his knowledge and helping others along their path. For me, however, I am excited by the thought of learning and understanding the various ideas and structures around me, and exploring the human emotional connection to the ideas and philosophies and rules. If someone wants to talk with me about my observations, I'm always up for a conversation, but generally I'm more interested in exploring and learning and understanding and asking questions.

With this realization that I am an eternal student, I've begun to refer to myself as a wide-eyed student of the world, and have begun to look around the world with a student's eyes instead of worrying about student equaling "child" in some way.

Allowing myself to be a student, I am looking around my local area for opportunities to learn. And being child-free but believing that children need outside-the-family positive influences just as much as they need loving parents, my eyes are heading towards sports.

Every organized gathering needs people to fulfill different functions, and sports are a great foundation for those little humans growing up into adulthood.

I have started to make contacts around regarding getting into Officials and Referee clinics for various sports in my city - baseball, sailing, swimming and badminton being the first four. I fully expect that once I get into those social atmospheres and start to gain familiarity and make friends, I'll be able to fill up my empty Mantris spots without much effort.

But until then, I spend time in my workshop thinking about what the perfect, ultimate relationship would be like. What would it be like when I walk into the door of our shared abode? What passions would I take on as mine, that he would appreciate, and what passions would he have that I could appreciate for him, as well? What agreements would we come to that would be mutually beneficial and life and energy-affirming?

It will be very interesting to work out the thoughts that are inspired by this whole process, especially once I start actively going out on dates more.

I hope you'll subscribe and come back to read about it, and share your thoughts and reactions!

The Four Man Plan Mantris, Explained

The central object that 4MP'rs (four man planners) use to keep track of the "game" they're playing is called a Mantris.

What Is A "Mantris"?

Basically, it's a square graph divided into 16 equal sections, and the "rules" about how to fill out the spots in the graph are explained in the book.

Players are filling the spots on the graph with ... people. Men, called "Plan Men", who are in this player's "dating vortex" at the time. There are specific rules about how to add men to the Mantris, and how to remove them from the mantris, and the rules are in place to help circumvent some of the regular problems we women create for ourselves when trying to find a life partner.

Things like, making a decision on the value of a person based upon the shape of their nose, or the color of their hair (or lack of it), or what services they have chosen to provide to the world in order to sustain their basic physical needs of food, shelter and clothing.

Players are encouraged to fill up their mantris completely, and keep it as filled as possible while using the ruleset provided by the author, Cindy Lu.

Isn't This Using People?

Yes, and no.

Single people seeking a mutually fulfilling long term relationship need to be very honest with themselves about what they view a fulfilling relationship to be, and once they've been honest with themselves, they need to go out into the world and explore to seek people who are on the same wavelength (or at least a nearby vibration).

It's quite likely that the initial people that are attracted to being with this single person aren't really going to be on the same wavelength, deep down. On the surface it will seem that they are, but with further examination, it's found that the long term vibrations and wavelengths don't match. In being responsible to themselves, every single person needs to acknowledge this for themselves and therefore not feel badly at the interest of looking around - without getting hugely involved immediately - to find that person whose long-term wavelength is harmonious.

Of course, that's not to say that people and relationships won't change over time. This is just to say that initially, it's better to take the time and put in the effort and emotional maturity required to shop around a bit before committing to combining wavelengths in a long term relationship.

I know that these people on my Mantris are real people, but that doesn't mean I should feel responsible for their feelings or their actions or what they wish I would wish for, too. I'm glad to feel responsible to my own feelings and the Four Man Plan ruleset that makes a LOT of sense to me, and allows me to say no to what I don't want, by saying yes to other things instead, and not feeling guilty about it!

Welcome to my Four Man Plan Dating Blog

Welcome to my Four Man Plan Dating Blog!

I am a divorced, mid-30s female who DOESN'T suck at love, but does enjoy having a structure to follow in terms of how to make good decisions to build a good future.

Probably doesn't make sense to anyone else but me, but if you stick around and read my thoughts you might get some idea of it :)

What Is The Four Man Plan?

It's a book by Cindy Lu, and it's also a "dating structure ruleset" designed to help women (and femme gay men?) find an awesome long term relationship while not allowing themselves to get snagged into a poor quality one.

Having been part of a the dynamic of a codependent relationship in the past, despite the fact that the man and myself are both awesome people (just not awesome together), I aspire to greatness in this next one, and finding the Four Man Plan has been a blessing.

Within its rules I find comfort and relief, because I can not only see guilt-mongering techniques (those are the ones that I allowed myself to be sucked into previous bad relationships with), but I have new strategies for how to handle them, without worrying how "hurt" the guilt-mongerer will tell me they feel.

Within this blog, I will write my thoughts about applying this dating ruleset to my life.

And oh yeah, I'm also strongly influenced by the teachings in The Secret and the Law of Attraction:

Rule to live by:  Think about what you want, not what you don't want.

Rule to live by:  The universe will match your vibration, so be mindful to imagine yourself having already accomplished or achieved what it is you want to accomplish or achieve, and bask in the glory of that feeling, instead of thinking about what "is" right now, what is missing, or what doesn't feel good.

I'm using this diary to work out my thoughts and feelings.